Oprah

So, did you watch today? I've been excited about this episode for several weeks. I knew it would be inspiring and hit home. And here I sit on the couch watching, with tears streaming down my face and a lot of this show I feel like I wrote myself. For those who missed it, or if you just need to hear this motivation one more time. I took notes, and these are Oprah's words, prob not exactly....but close enough. My thoughts and feelings will be in red.

How did I let this happen again? My closet has 10, 12, 14 and elastic!

This past year has been really difficult. I didn't feel like being a cover girl. I wasn't proud of my body, therefore didn't want to show my body and didn't want to be seen. I'd rather NOT be seen. I didn't want to have to go through the closet and see what's gonna fit...let's try that, oh that doesn't fit, it's too tight in the arms, take that off, let's try this pair of pants, that doesn't work, you're not a twelve anymore, oh and now the fourteens need to have some stretch in them. It's embarrassing to me; I'd rather not do it. All this year I've been hiding my body, cause I didn't want you to see it. You said a mouthful there sister...I honestly feel like I wrote that paragraph.

To love yourself is a never ending journey. My goal isn't to be thin, my goal is to be the weight that my body can hold and be healthy and be strong & fit and be it's best health. And one of the things I had to learn to do is embrace this body that I have and be grateful for what this body has given me. And to everyone that is watching right now, whose fallen off the wagon, I'm telling you that's where you have to be again, Because God blessed me in this body. GOD BLESSED me in this body. I mean I could weep right now, thinking about the love and appreciation I have for THIS body, that 40 lbs over-weight but let me tell you, in spite of being over-weight and exhausted...my body still works for me...my heart still woks, my body still works for me. And for that I am truly grateful.

The key is to put yourself back at the top of your own To Do: list. You have to plan your meals. There is absolutely NO way you will EVER be able to maintain your weight without cardio workouts, at least 30 minutes a day. I'm learning this so much right now. You can't be lazy with your food, cause when you don't plan ahead I've found the alternative is always much worse. Taking breakfast with you in the car, packing a lunch, packing my gym bag the night before, etc. Cause time is not your friend and seems to always work against me.

When I gain weight it's not about pigging out, it's always about my life is out of balance. Anybody who struggles with a weight issue....it is about what you are really hungry for. It's not about the food. It's about USING food, abusing the food. When my engine runs down, my drug of choice is food. My drug of choice is potato chips. I struggle with this, cause I think of myself as a "foodie" I do LOVE food....but when I heard this and typed it and re-read it, gosh it hits me hard. Looking back, I started gaining weight about 2 and half years ago, when I was insecure in my relationship, in my job, scared that the life I had made for myself 250 miles away from my family was about to crumble. THAT is when I started the weight-gain. And then my greatest fear came true, and my life as I knew it did crumble. So again I filled that void with food. It's not that 2 years ago I just started loving food. I've ALWAYS loved food; even as a little kid I loved food. Some of my fondest moments of my dad are helping him make biscuits and gravy as very little girl. So for me, YES I do love food....but I realize now I abuse it. And then the more weight I gained the bigger the void and thus it must be filled with more comfort, food!

Your overweight self doesn't stand before you craving food...it's craving love! That is what you didn't give yourself. When you love yourself enough, you take care of yourself. This is a double edge sword for me, and am just now dealing with it and really trying to focus every day to make myself happy with things OTHER than food. It's not a weight issue at all....it's a love issue

Hopefully this is just the motivation or the shame or the kick in the pants you need to make 2009 your Best Life!

Love, 4th Fat Chick Allie